Time is really a deep concept. 24 hours a day seems so short sometimes, but it feels so dreadfully long now. Its odd because this same 24 hours that we all share, we have different feelings about it. I could still clearly remember how my eight hours at AMK playing bball flew past by so quickly, and now time just seem to snail at ticking speed. Im sure time is still flying there. Its no longer 24 hours for me - its 86400 seconds.
Its just started raining now. Seems like nature is telling me i can't play ball anyway. I guess she doesnt understand that its not the ball, its the company.
Well, im actually feeling much much better now. Yuqi was willing to lend me a ear to listen to my sobs and rants. I need to speak my thoughts to formulate them. He really helped this process. I guess the crux of my down-ness is this:
"He trusted me more than anyone. I betrayed that trust."
Well, it may not be this way, but thats how i felt. I can somewhat understand how he is feeling. I really did let him down. But im sure im feeling worst. Its just like you're riding a bicycle and your prank on your pal cost his limbs or his life. Your buddy or his family will be in deep grieve, but you'll be in deep guilt. Im in deep grieve and guilt, and the worst part is i can't make up for it. I am willing to do whatever it takes, but is he willing to accept? I've lost my creditability.
Its really interesting, because time can heal the wounds. Now thats left to do is to wait for time to do its job, but the scar i left on him, on me, and on the relationship - it would never heal. Its really a regret that it'll be impossible to obtain that level of trust. I've failed in life once again.
Yuqi asked what i would do to sustain a relationship once im no longer of use to that person, since my relationship is built upon helping others. I guess i'll be useless soon, but you'll still be my friend right? It'll be sustain through that - the Will.
Random: I want to go home ):
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