D-Day

Nope, Im not going to apologise for not updating. If you've been visiting my blog page to check if i've got updates, i think you have some serious issue. Go outside. Get a life! Gosh..

Actually, the reason why i've been putting off my blog post is because i've got a continuation to my previous post but im just too lazy to get the images and do the explainations etc. I guess i'll have to just do away with that idea, or at least KIV till further date (:

Okay, so the LONG AWAITED D-Day is finally coming! Its 5th March. That is the day when my fellow peers and I are to return to our respective schools and face the music. It is the day where we harness the fruits of our labour, or fall into eternal hunger. To be honest, i am really worried about this day. The worst feeling comes not from standing at the end of the cliff or falling down the cliff. Its from hanging there, not knowing how long more you can hold or how long more you need to hold. Its the same here. I'd be happier now if im certain i passed or failed GP. I'd be happier now if im certain i Aced my Physic, Chemistry and Math or not. It really feels awful when you're in the grey, not knowing if you're black or white.

D-Day. Would the 'D' be Deliverance or Doom? We'll all know on 5th March

RaNdOm: Fireflies in a glass bottle.

Taboo Words.

I always feel that there are some words that are never meant to be said. Its like the Pandora's box. Once its out, you're out. Or maybe she is out.

Taboo Words (or phrases), thats that name i give for those stuff. Let me give you some examples:
- Lets break up.
- Lets divorce
- I can't do it
Well, those are the common 3 phrases that i can think of. When any one party in a relationship says "Break up" or "Divorce", even if it doesnt happen now, chances are it'll happen later. Its the same as when you tell yourself "I can't do it".

The reason is rather simple to me. I think, when the Taboo Words are spoken, it becomes an option. It becomes a way out. Sometimes, it becomes an easy way out. Too easy to pack up and leave than to resolve the conflict at hand. So this brings me to another point...

The Easy Way Out

So today i was having a little random chat with tim and ZH at church today after our little bball game and we came to this thing about taking the easy way out. Apparently, i was the only one in the conversation that thinks that it is wrong and bad to take the easy way out! ARGH~

Tim says that thats just others way of doing thing. Not everyone strives for the best in things they do. Just like those who strives, some choose to take the easy way out. Its not wrong. Its not bad.

ZH says that people can be selective in taking the easy way out. It doesnt mean that anyone who takes the easy way out of things takes the easy out of everything.

Well, i beg to differ. Taking the easy way out is just plain lazy, and being lazy is bad. It may be an easy way out for you, but it means somewhere somehow, someone will have to put the extra effort for your lazy attitude. If you dont have the ability to do certain stuff, it wouldnt be assigned to you if you dont act like you can. Everything given to you is within your capabilities UNLESS you're asking for it. Remember the Taboo Word "I can't do it"!

To ZH, i really cant deny the existence of people who do selective 'sucky attitude', but in my opinion for most of the people, attitude follows us through. When you choose to take an easy way out now, it becomes a viable option and you'll soon take the easy way out of many other things. Its the same reason why the high flyers are top students in school with outstanding leadership, sports and musical records. Its no surprise that those that remain at the bottom are those relatively more unfit people. No offence to anyone but thats because for the former taking the easy way out was NOT a way out, but for the later it is.

At this point, i really want to point out this:


There is a difference between having an aim than act and acting than justifying your actions.

or in more lay terms

There is a difference between think than do and do than think.


My brother decided before he entered NS that he wants to get out of the place in one piece, so when he was in there, he did the minimum for everything.
My other friend did minimum for everything in NS because he thinks its a waste of time and its not worth his effort.

I want to get into a not very competitive course in University, so i didnt put in alot of effort in 'A' Levels since it wasnt necessary.
My friend didnt put in alot of effort in 'A' level so he ended up in a course thats not very competitive since he cant go anywhere else.

Well, if you see the above two examples, the start and the end is the same. The difference is the attitude. One is doing a planned decision, the other is taking the easy way out. Its just a fine line between the two. One is think than do, the other is do than think. Think first.

Now, those people who takes the easy way out usually takes the easy way out first than justify taking it. That is no difference from finding excuses for being lazy.

Well, all these are still but my opinion. What do you think? Comment.

RanDom: I think you're mistaken.

闷，闷，闷

If you're wondering what the characters are for this blog post, its chinese for bored.

Its close to 3 a.m. in the morning, and im still awake typing this. Have you tried looking into the distant when your eyes couldnt see the end? Like looking at the sky trying to see the outerspace or looking at the sea trying to another island thats across the globe. If you've tried it before, your eyes will hurt. Its hard to stare into nothing actually. Its the same for living. Life is dull when you have nothing to look to.

I've got another 2 months to do whatever i want. Its too short to start work or to learn something, but its too long to do nothing. Argh! Somebody help me! With timo gone, im effectively left with me, myself and I. Having complete freedom without companion sucks. Grr.

I've just finished studying sec 4 stats on s.d. and probability. I so hope im 16 and still in school. Those were the fun times. Not now. I know what you're thinking, that i should just return to school now. No, 19 in school aint fun. Im over-aged.

Some cool stuff. I've got 4 visits to my blog since i added the counter. FOUR. Thats incredible because only 2 people read this nonsense. I wonder who the other 2 is. Regardless, all who are reading this PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT (:

RanDom: World Of Warcraft: Wraith of the Lich King

CNY

Today is only the 5th day of Chinese New Year but for me its almost the end. Im done with most of my visiting, eaten enough of the goodies, collect alot of red packets (though i want moree!!) and now im back to my boring life.

CNY was bad within my family - loads of fights, talks, anger... bad. It wasnt that bad for my non-families though. I had great fun with timo on the first day of CNY. We, together with ZH, watch some chinese movie. That movie was.. not bad.. .. but whats great was i get to see timo after so long. He just came out of tekong! BOTAK HEAD~
2nd day, together with yuqi and wee we visited timo's place! Played ball, had mac breakfast, watch a rock concert (timo solo!). We all had loads of fun! Whee~

My luck for CNY sux. Actually i dont have a touch for gambling. I lost about 40bucks this year but fortunately, the loss is offset by the very very large red packets i recieved this year. Just for the record, its 4-digits. Yupp, thats ALOT, i know.

Alright, im tired now.

RanDoM: L-O-V-E, Love~

Epic Fail

Epic Fail
-Verb
1. The complete failure of a person or an event, best described by the word itself.
Eg.
Man 1: "When Joe tried to propose to Jane, he accidentally kicked over a can of kerosene, set Jane's house on fire, stabbed Jane's mother in the chest and knocked Jane into a coma."
Man 2: "Whoa, Epic fail!"

I saw this description in a magazine that we stole from Island Creamery. That wasnt the exact defination but its about there.

Epic Fail, this can also be used to describe my one to one meeting with my Jr. Really thought we could have a nice little chat over dinner. I thought i could cheer him up a little. EPIC FAIL. We ended up not talking about anything serious, starting and ending little conversations over and over. Gah! I really dont know what is going on in his life, but i guess i've got a slight clue of what is happening. He is drifting. Away. From us. ):

Not so Epic Fail is Jovan and I. Finally after so long we've somehow somewhat patch things up. I got a feeling that brat is somehow making use of me, but i guess i owe it to him. Yay! Im going to continue to help him in studies. Its really fun to see the difference you make. (:

Epic Fail. This describe this CNY. Whoo~ Its CNY and everyone is so excited! Except me. This is by far the worst CNY in my life. Its not that i get less red packets or i have to visit more or less, its just the family is in SUCH A MESS that its totally EPICLY awkward to be in each others presence. Grr, hopefully this year's bounty would offset all the torture. *Fingers Crossed*

Not so Epic Fail this CNY, which is THE highlight of my CNY is the visiting of my botak friends! Well, a couple of them have just been released from tekong for the CNY and its really cool and awesome to be able to catch up with them. I'll get to know about life in NS at least. Touching botak heads gives you good luck, so im sure i'll be lucky this year.

So, Epic Fail or Not Epic Fail? Well whichever, hope all my reader (Singular. Only one person is reading. Yes. You.) would have a great time of fellowship with your family and friends and have a bountiful Chinese New Year (:

RaNdOm: Kill the PIGS~

MYOB

So many people tell me that the best way to live is to MYOB (Mind Your Own Business). This means DO NOT STICK YOUR NOSE INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT! Well, I don't deny that living like that is one of the easiest way, but its not the most fulfilling one.

I've gotten myself into loads and loads of trouble because i just can't keep my life away from other's. The most recent one is the incident with Jovan. We sort of got better for awhile but now we're not even texting. I fought with my grandmother a couple of times over the life of some of the other adults, and she almost suffered a stroke because of one of the fight. It seriously does make sense to MYOB because you usually dont get anything out of minding other's business - thats of you're selfish.

I understand its tough to make everyone happy and sometimes its not rewarding, but rather heartbreaking, when your intention is good but you're not appreciated. If you succeed in taking part in another person's life, the rewards are ! True, you do not get anything out of it, but seeing that you've changed someone's life is awesome. Its like when you want to see a sunrise. You could do the long hard way of climbing a mountain to catch a good view or you can just simply youtube for it. Climbing the mountain is tough, just like caring for all around you, but its satisfaction guaranteed. Friends are like long term investments. If you invest time on them, you'll yield much in the long run, much more than if you invest your time on yourself.

Its easy to know someone, but difficult to live with that someone. To be part of someone elses life is not a simple task. It requires time, sacrifice, pain, love etc. It usually only happens if you're forced, either born in the same family or tied down my contract. Else, you'll just need to endure.

Its okay to be angry and never let go,
Its only get harder the more that you know.
When you get lonely and no ones around,
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down.
We came together but you left alone,
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own.
Maybe someday I would see you again,
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me you friend.
-Empty Apartment - Yellowcard-

RaNdOm: Do you like pizza, ice cream cake and fireworks?

A Home I Don't Belong..

I've finally once again picked up my basketball. I went to a nearby court to shoot some hoops but it seems like i've really lost my touch. I totally couldn't summon any energy to release the ball. Probably i've stayed home for too long. Maybe im still being weighed down by the memories. I dont deny that during that short while a lot of the good times flash in my mind. It just made me feel worst. I want to go back, but there is no place for an outsider like me. Its my home, but i dont belong.

This is the season where lust is being contained. Many of my buddies are sent to this offshore island for a 'holiday'. Lets also not forget the free haircut! Yup, its NS. It just further enhances my loneliness. There goes Tim and Zhide. Probably many more that i dont know, but i've just almost lost all my company. No more playing on the escalator.

I've just heard too. My room mate (yup, the one from my first few post) is leaving. He has to go back for CNY. Im not particularly upset or anything, but its another person leaving.

Boo~ This really sux. I really hope i could return home soon. From what it seems, theres still hope. I've truely learnt from this blunder. This is a sin i've to carry.

Random: Cheeky Brat! (it really brings back memories..)

Day 2 of Emo

Time is really a deep concept. 24 hours a day seems so short sometimes, but it feels so dreadfully long now. Its odd because this same 24 hours that we all share, we have different feelings about it. I could still clearly remember how my eight hours at AMK playing bball flew past by so quickly, and now time just seem to snail at ticking speed. Im sure time is still flying there. Its no longer 24 hours for me - its 86400 seconds.

Its just started raining now. Seems like nature is telling me i can't play ball anyway. I guess she doesnt understand that its not the ball, its the company.

Well, im actually feeling much much better now. Yuqi was willing to lend me a ear to listen to my sobs and rants. I need to speak my thoughts to formulate them. He really helped this process. I guess the crux of my down-ness is this:

"He trusted me more than anyone. I betrayed that trust."

Well, it may not be this way, but thats how i felt. I can somewhat understand how he is feeling. I really did let him down. But im sure im feeling worst. Its just like you're riding a bicycle and your prank on your pal cost his limbs or his life. Your buddy or his family will be in deep grieve, but you'll be in deep guilt. Im in deep grieve and guilt, and the worst part is i can't make up for it. I am willing to do whatever it takes, but is he willing to accept? I've lost my creditability.

Its really interesting, because time can heal the wounds. Now thats left to do is to wait for time to do its job, but the scar i left on him, on me, and on the relationship - it would never heal. Its really a regret that it'll be impossible to obtain that level of trust. I've failed in life once again.

Yuqi asked what i would do to sustain a relationship once im no longer of use to that person, since my relationship is built upon helping others. I guess i'll be useless soon, but you'll still be my friend right? It'll be sustain through that - the Will.

Random: I want to go home ):

My Happily Ever After..

My chapter of basketball at AMK has just closed.
It really was a pity, but i can't go back now. I did something wrong.
It doesnt happen often to me that i could clearly identify i am wrong. I could this time. Im wrong.

At AMK, i had good times. I was bestowed with the trust of some of the people there and I got particularly close to one of them - Jovan.
Jovan was a brother to me. Not that he took care of me, but it just feels like i could give him everything i ever wanted. Its the satisfaction i get. But i went overboard.

I was concerned and worried about his studies. Jovan is a bright boy, he just lacks motivation as he puts it. When i saw his source of motivation, I immediately jumped into it. It was his teacher in school, and i contacted her.

My intention was good. I thought maybe i could amplify this motivation. I needed someone to confirm my actions too. She was the best candidate, since she, too, cares about Jovan. But i guess i crossed the line..

Jovan now is upset. I've betrayed his trust. He trusted me with loads of stuff, but my actions didnt deserve it. I went too deep into his private life. Now he is uncomfortable. I am wrong.

Now its too late. I could never make up for such a mistake. All relationship requires trust, and breaching of trust is the WORST fault one can commit. I did. All i could do now is to wait, to wait for maybe, he'll forgive and forget. Maybe.

I am truly, deeply in fault. Im sorry Jovan. My intentions may be good, but my methods was wrong. I am wrong.

I guess this is where i emo for a few days over my fault and lost of friends, then move off with another new chapter.

Alright, here i would like to thank the bunch of AMK people for entertaining me for the past month. I really had fun. Thanks for looking after me and teaching me play ball. Thanks especially Andy (daddy). I've learnt a lot from you, not only about ball but also about life. You're capable of alot more. I have faith in you. Also, thank you Jovan. Im sorry.

RaNdOm: Soft Soft one, like gummy bears..

My Life, Your Life.

Many people keep telling me that how great it is that i dont have to go to school anymore. I've got 2 more months till i enter NS and i can enjoy myself, chase my dream, do what want. You're wrong.

I dont deny i did once thought about this about my seniors. I was wrong too. Its weird that once school life ends, you enter a rift that teleports you to reality. Everyone is realistic once you leave school, no longer idealistic. All the "I want to be a doctor to save lives" and the "I want to be a teacher to change lives" becomes "I want to be a banker to earn money and have a good life".

When I was in school, it was simple. All i had to worry about was my studies. I've got sufficient money for everything i need - movie, books, food, transport - everything. There isnt even any 'punishment' for not doing well in studies. All i had to handle was school stress. I may have to wake up earlier and sleep late, but you spend more time with people that aint selfish. You're in a protected environment. You're sleeping, and/or learning. It is easy life.

When i left school, things isnt as simple anymore. Reality hits me, and it hits me hard. I no longer get allowance. I have to support myself. All the responsibilities comes at you. Suddenly its expensive to travel, because you're no longer a student. Suddenly food becomes expensive, because theres no longer lousy but cheap canteen food. Suddenly, you've got no free time, because you've got to work. Suddenly your free time is boring, because if you're lucky that reality sets in later for you, your friends arent usually that lucky. Suddenly you can't commit to anything, because you're afraid you'll need to work. Suddenly, your ideals disappear. Suddenly you become realistic. Suddenly, you lose yourself. Suddenly, you become human.

It is saddening for me, not because reality sets in on me. Its because it has taken over most of my friends. You see them come, change, go. Its sad, because you see that people all have to go through this. Its sad that im the only few that still stand firm to what i belive, something that was once shared, now mine alone.

So school sux? Let me tell you. Life sux. More than school.

RanDom: Life is like a dick, if its hard, F*** IT!