I've got a few more weeks to spend with my friends. Don't worry, no one is dying. My course is coming to an end and we're going to spread out to various places. People keep consoling me that theres a chance I'll be together with my friends. Well the truth is theres also a chance I won't, and I think thats a better chance.
I've got this friend who in my course. Im not real close to him but I could say he is my best friend. Im not sure if it is the other way though. Its a pity that the time we've spent together is so short. I would have really wanted to know him better. People tell me that I could still remain in contact with my friends even if we're in different places. Well, thats if its 2 way right?
I know it. I just know it, that after we go our seperate ways, we go our seperate ways. 13weeks is insufficient to create a bond strong enough to last. I've had many experiences with friends that I really wanted to befriend and at some point we became real close but after we moved on, we really moved on. Some because I didn't try, while others is because I stopped trying. Either way it doesn't matter. It didn't last.
And right now, I've got 3 more weeks. I've been trying very hard to make the best of it. To try and improve on this friendship so that it can become 2 way. So that it can self-sustain. So that maybe I can become his best friend too. But I just have a feeling that it'll boil down to nothing. Maybe it won't boil down to nothing because it was nothing to begin with.
I don't understand why I try so hard even though I know it wouldn't make a difference. I know that it'll just make it harder when the times comes. I can just stop trying and stop it here. Shorten the pain but I guess its that glimmer of hope that maybe I can do it, or maybe we'll be going to the same place. Or perhaps its just human nature to do futile things, just like despite knowing we all meet our makers at the end of the road all of us try to achieve tangible rewards that we could not bring away.
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I woke up, in the middle of a Thursday night
Check my calendar, can't believe my eyes its 5th of December.
I can't remember, how the past 3 months has gone past, has gone fast
And now I wonder, would we still be friends together, forever (and ever...)
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RanDom: Worth
:) that sounds really sweet coming from you; who'd have thought that you'd come to cherish the time you have left in AI?
ReplyDeleteThe sad, upset shadow of a lamenter completely taken over by an unwillingness to let go? It's this friend of yours who's definitely had the most impact on that initial..hatred of the place.
Believe it or not I understand what you're going through because I've felt it myself before - and just recently too. It's a wrenching feeling that a close friend whom you feel dear to might not feel the same way towards your friendship :)
I myself wondered at the thought of letting go and just cutting off all ties - letting the pain go away with time, and allowing my friend to move on and forget about me; because we hardly communicated and such.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...but for how long? :p it's a terrible feeling, spending time with someone you feel close to yet having the scratching knowledge that he'll leave once AI is over and that you both might end up in two separate places.
Perhaps you don't really want to tell him too for fear that he'll dismiss these emotions you're feeling.
I'd suggest to spend more time with him and above all, cherish the time you spend. You might say that it's better just letting go now and avoiding any more pain - but we both know that it's a combination of pain and regret should you choose just to give this up like that. You might think about what could have been - like I did - assuming you don't find ways to move on. Cherish the time you spend together - you and of course, all of your other friends too.
At the very least, get his hp number and facebook & stay in contact. Sms and MSN him often. Ask to go out once you guys've got leave. (MSN if you are both getting ISAC cards & OA accounts!) - but it's still most important to tell him what you feel about this friendship. I too hope that he remains close to you - I've experienced too much pain from the other alternative myself :)
Good luck yj :)